Heading South

Dear Lost,

I hope when you receive this, you will  have made it back safely to the confines of wherever the hell you were trying to get to when you flagged me down like a lunatic.  I thought I'd ask:  why did you vote me most likely to give directions to the parkway?  Was it because I was:  Out of breath?  Had on headphones and, therefore, couldn't hear you, or, in my case, faked it really well?   

I've been there.  Lost, I mean.  I can't say I've ever imposed upon someone the way you did, though.  You messed up my entire workout by scaring me, pissing me off and pissing me off!  Don't you know the saying, "If, at first, you get ignored, drive, drive again"?  If Emily Post weren't already doing a continual grave-roll, she'd surely get to movin' for you.  I kept going when I saw you pull over because I've finally figured out that it's dangerous to stop for people who pull over, and you followed me anyway!  Since, now I had my back to you, which is also dangerous, I figured I'd turn around to see how many of you were in the car, and in the world,  and thank God it was only one.  Then I saw you waving at me frantically and rolling down your windows, and that's when I thought my butt must be on fire since who in their right mind would press their luck like you did unless they were trying to save someone from their butt being on fire?

Now I was at a full halt, not even a step-tap as to bring my heart rate down at a respectable speed, not to mention once I stop I don't feel like running anymore!  "Make.   A.   Right.   Up.   Ahead.   And.   You'll.   Be.   Heading.   West.   Then.   Just.   Follow.   The.   Green.   Signs."  And, just like that, you were gone, in too much of a hurry to throw out a 'thank-you'.  I should have told you where to go.