Take Cover

Motorists: be honest. Do you hate pothole covers or me? If I didn't know better, based solely on the number of times you have almost driven over me rather than make contact with one of them, I'd have guessed potholes covers, but, then again, if you gave two squirrels asses, you'd take a few for me. I can accept that you hate me but more than a pothole cover? It's covered. That hurts. Let me just say that I am truly sorry you don't like sharing the road with me but you're going to have to learn to share it with pothole covers and stop swerving toward moi. What's that? Oh no, you most certainly did not suggest I run on the...you have got to be joking. I can't even say it. Maybe you should try it yourself first! I wouldn't even WALK on sidewalks if I didn't have to; those minefields of unevenness.  They are CAT scans waiting to happen! I should know! Months later, I'm holding my double A battery in its little cavity since I still can not find the freakin' cover that flew off sometime during what I hope was the biggest spill of my lifetime! I mean, were these things really designed with pedestrians in mind? I missed two races after that because my doctor said if I fell again I would break something!

If you vear near me with your car, I'm going to feed you one of my gel inserts.