ONE MAN'S TRASH

You see a lot more on foot than you would driving around and, aside from the deer, squirrel, motor oil, archery tournament, acorn and Christmas tree trunk-related incidents, it

really has been a great way for me to take-in the world.

For example, one might ask to what, in hell, I could possibly attribute my expertise on the stages of oak tree bark rot. Plod past some for two hours, twice a week for ten weeks and you’ll have your answer!

Now, I live in a place lined with parking meters, not trees, so if you’re wondering where I’m grabbing all this shade, I’ll tell you: in much wealthier neighborhoods, that’s where! It started with wanting to see how they live. Once I saw how they lived, naturally, I wanted to pretend I lived there too (that’s me, just out for a jog near “home” every Saturday and Sunday morning, and Tuesday and Thursday afternoon, nothing suspicious here.). Then I came to realize: rich people have the best garbage. So, once I felt I had successfully blended in, I focused on gaining as much insight as I could about my subjects – and previewing what goods I’d want to load into my car, simply by whizzing past their curbs. Through it all, preconceived stereotypes were shattered but mainly strengthened:

• Alcoholism crosses all economic lines – rich people can be drunks, too

• Rich people eat fast food. And sometimes even drop the wrappers in the road!

• Rich people don’t recycle more/less than the rest of us – but they do have shinier receptacles with the town name screen-printed on them

• If you’re rich and have graduated eighth or twelfth grade, you had a pretty big party.

• They do have people to do their lawn and they do have people to clean their pool. And they have pools. Cause they have like, really big yards.

• They apparently have nothing better to do than subscribe to newspapers. And by the way: the delivery woman on the route? Drives like a maniac! ‘Does U-turns wherever and whenever she pleases! Damn-near hit me! I ought to report her! I pay over twenty thousand dollars in taxes to live in this town!

• At this moment, a rich person could be putting out beaded board, china cabinets, tiffany lamps, framed art, Price Fischer play things for the kiddies, you name it – to be hauled off – and while you blurred away in your vehicle, I was scoring it all because I did my research!

I know. Unfair of me to generalize – I can’t truly know them until I’ve walked a mile in their shoes, whereas showering in their sprinklers? It’s made me feel a lot closer.