TRIGGERS

Mind you, I’m not a jogger – unless I’m going over 7 miles, I push the pace, people. You might imagine my discontent, then at the very slightly-built young lady holding a mobile phone and her convenience store Big Slurp in one hand, and her 3 percent body fat slash massive shoulders slash “Just say my trigger word and I’ll turn on you, and you, and even you, Comrade” –type dog in the other. All I can say is that I think I understand the phenomenon of the “runner’s high” I’ve read so much about but not experienced first-hand. It was quite the rush to see her get dragged through the air like a kite in March. She may have been dumbfounded as to why she should be chasing her dog that was chasing me. I, on the other hand, thought this was right in keeping with the dog owner I love to hate: that she didn’t drop her phone, she didn’t dribble one bit of drink from the time her animal sprung after me tells me she underestimated her dog and gave her juggling abilities more credit than they deserved. If something had gone down between that pit bull and me? Please! She deserved it! Consider it your wake-up call, girly. Oh, and God? Thank you. I take it you heard my pleas over the barking. And I don’t really think humans are superior to animals or anything. Well, maybe with the exception of squirrels. They are spiteful. That’s not just my opinion, either. Ask anyone.